RICH AND PAUL'S SUMMER BASH 7-31-04
Rich Zimmer throws a crazy summer party each year. I've been to the past two; this would be the third, and the first while single. Ran-D and I drove out there for the fun and festivities.
The beauty of Rich's Party is the first hour of the party involves dollar lap dances. Rich should teach everybody how to throw a party.
Rich and Paul hire two strippers to entertain at the beginning of the night. All the guys (and a few curious women) gather in Rich's living room. Everyone claims a spot on the couches and makes themselves comfortable.
Paul comes into the room, introduces the ladies, and presses play on a dinky little boom box, and the ladies get to work.
So after the lap dances we rejoined the party, hit the booze and chips and began to introduce ourselves around.
I ended up being torn between talking to this cute 19-year-old virgin and a really cool, and really tiny (4 ’Äò 10’Äù) nanny named Kristen.
I ended up talking to Kristen more, because she was more outgoing.
Rich had a professional DJ mixing the party, but it broke of for a bit when a live band played a set. It was a death metal band, whose lyrics were completely incomprehensible. That was an unexpected change in the look and feel of the bash.
Another weird unexplainable was at one point in the night the swimming pool turned into a really bizarre scene. It was full of like models (male and female). Out of nowhere it was all of a sudden like a weird beach movie or something. Like a scene from MELROSE PLACE, all these beautiful people. A few minutes later they climbed out of the pool dried themselves off (as in slow motion) and left . . .I didn't even see them arrive.
Eventually as the night wore on a majority of the chicks had cleared out and all the good booze was kicked. Then the DJ left because someone spilled beer all over his CD's.
When there were only guys left I went over and introduced myself to Rich's high school crew. It's weird how this group works together, they are all friends, but two of the guys are geekier than the others, and thus have become the whipping boys of the group.
Well one of the guys in the group is really big, like weightlifter big. The last single girl was this skinny nerd-hot Jewish girl who knew she was the only available girl still there so that gave her "last trim standing courage."
The girl was doing all these weird flirty things like giving guys fake lap dances and stuff.
Earlier in the night the DJ had thrown some condoms out to the crowd. I picked one of these up and now realized it was in my pocket. I filled it up with water from the pool and handed it to her to see what she would do with it.
She handed it to the jock, who then proceeded to throw it at the fatter of the two whipping boys. The kid was hit with it, but it didn’Äôt break. Fat kid picked up the condom and threw it back at the jock and it exploding on his shirt.
This enraged the jock who then threw his beer all over the fat whipping boy and his friend (the second whipping boy). The fat kid was outraged and said something that pissed off the jock and then threw his own beer back at the jock and started running for his life. He ran behind me (I was sitting in a collapsible beach chair) and positioned his body between the jock and me.
I got up immediately "Don't use me as a fucking shield, I don't even know you." I said and moved out of the way. The jock was by now in an adrenaline rage. "Run, I'll give you a head start!" the jock said to the fat whipping boy.
Fat kid stared to run but the jock caught up with him before he rounded the house. The jock carried / drug this kid across the yard (an amazing feat of strength) and tried to power-lift him into the pool.
He got him most of the way up, and then kinda collapsed. Jock then punched fat kid in the head a few times to keep him down. Jock then put him in half a headlock, and scooped water out of the pool onto him until there wasn't an inch of dry on fat kid's clothes.
It was a bad scene. Right after that Rich’Äôs sister got into a water fight with some dude dumping a bucket of water on him, he retaliated by throwing vodka IN HER EYES.
Things got nasty. Ran-D and I decided to roll out before the fuzz got involved.
Thanks to Rich and Paul for the perennial invite. It was a great party, as usual Rich, never a dull moment, see ya next year!
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo