MATRIX REVOLUTIONS COJO REVIEW 12-21-04
The Matrix films are avaliable in a nice 10 dvd box set for the holidays for $54.94 on Amazon.com, so undoubtedly (due to the overwhelming power of marketing) some of you unfortunate souls will be either buying this for a loved one, or recieving this from a loved one (or enemy) this holiday season.
If you are one of the would-be gift buyers, and have $54.94 you don't mind throwing away, and don't have any idea what these films are about, please read this review. If you are one of the perspective recievers, and have a few dozen hours of your life you don't mind throwing away, then sit back and enjoy your films, you can read this after you smash your dvd player in disgust for viewing such dreck.
ON the other hand, If you would like to save your $54.94 and wait till the entire series is shown on the Sci Fi Channel in 2 months, I have a few suggestions as to other ways you can spend your hard earned cash:
a) Spend it on absolutely anything that costs $54.94 and doesn't either have the word REVOLUTIONS or RELOADED in the title.
b) Buy the original Matrix, and watch it 3 times. Spend the rest of the cash on hookers and ludes.
c) See suggestion a) or b)
Now I have talked of the other Matrix films before (see MATRIX RELOADED REVIEW) so this time around I will just talk about the third movie of the series, which you will inevidibly have on as background noise while you boff your wife in a drunken eggnog haze Christmas night. Let me first go over the positives and negatives of this film:
THE POSITIVES OF REVOLUTIONS:
Huh, let me think about this. I did get to see Revolutions in a theater completely by myself one week after it was released, so that was nice. (Actually there were two stoned teenagers who stumbled in half way through the film and started pointing a laser pointer at the Oracle's breasts, and when I turned around to look at them they hid it like it wasn't them. The children are our future!)
What else.....humm....I think Trinity kicked someone in slow-mo once. One of those guys that stuck to the ceiling for no apparent reason.
I also thought the soundwaves from Neo and Smith's punches at the end creating circular ripples in the sky distorting the rain was a nifty effect.
I like it when someone gets hit with such force that when they fly back into concrete they leave huge impact craters in their wake. That's cool, more of that please.
THE NEGATIVES:
The plot.
This movie reminded me of a lot of other movies that try too hard to prove that it was worth the money and time to make it, and worth your third payment to the studio exec's bank accounts.
It reminded me of course of the new Star Wars movies, in that the director has somehow taken something great, and impossible to fuck up, and fucked it up because of the potential money to be made.
There is essentially no plot, and hasn't been since the first film. It is so shoddily written and quickly / half ass-idly thrown together that you wonder at times if the Wachowski brothers wrote it on napkins at a bar, or scraps of toilet paper while taking their morning dumps.
And it's so obvious that (like George Lucas) they were so taken by the new advancements in CGI that they pumped this movie so full of useless robot fighting effects that you aren't even dazzled by it anymore. I was watching the machines invading Zion, and I felt like I was watching someone play an X-Box game. I was almost thinking "hey nice shooting, now hand me the controller, let me try." When video games have the same graphics as what you are trying to pull off in a movie, you gotta step it up a notch. I almost fell asleep in the Zion scenes. Let's see, It's machines fighting who? Neo? Nope. Trinity? No! Morpheus? Guess again! Supporting cast members I don't care about?
BINGO! Do I want the machines to win? RIGHT AGAIN!!!!
This movie (as in Matrix Reloaded) had what I call the "Batman Forever Syndrome." It's a problem that many comic bookish movies run into these days (see daredevil).
The original Batman was great, and I'll tell you why. The plot was simple BATMAN the Dark Knight vs.THE JOKER his Darkly Comical Evil Nemesis. The joker killed his parents, he finally gets his revenge. "Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?" "Wait till they get a load of me!" "Where does he get such wonderful toys?" Who are you?- I'm Batman." C'mon, you remember all the lines to this day and that movie is 15 years old! Simple, concise, wraps itself up, no need for more story, the story has been told.
With the Batman sequels, they switched directors and writers and got completely away from what made the original Batman great, they turned Batman Hollywood. Lightened him up, made him a joke.
The actual syndrome I speak of though goes beyond these things. It is when the director for some stupid reason, after the first film changes or looses touch of the essence of what made the first film great. Then he decides to introduce us to way too many pointless one dimensional characters who are only on the screen for a minute or two before they get killed off. ( If you remember in Batman Forever, they introduce us to Val Kilmer as the new Batman, Tommy Lee Jones as two face, Drew Barrymore as Sugar, Debi Mazar as Spice, Jim Carey as The Riddler, Chris O'Donnell as Robin, Nicole Kidman as Chase Meridian) We develop no attachments to these characters, they don't drive the story forward, and after they are gone, we are left wondering "What the fuck was that all about?"
MATRIX REVOLUTIONS also had to deal with an issue that comes up in film from time to time when making sequels. The woman who played the Oracle in the first two films died while REVOLUTIONS was being made, so they had to recast her and make-up some bullcrap plot changes to the script to make it seem plausible that a new old black actress doing an impression of the first old black actress (who was much better and more charming) is the same person.
The Harry Potter series had to deal with this same thing in their recent film after Richard Harris who played Professor Dumbledoor in the first two movies died. Rather than addressing it they pulled a Daren Stevens Switcheroo, bringing in new Dumbledoor, no questions asked, no explination given.
The first Matrix movie was based on the bending of reality and perception. What is reality? What is the Matrix..etc... (see my review of Reloaded for more)
It started getting away from this in the second film, turning more into a Sci Fi Robot war, with bullcrap philosophy, and little inklings that "it would all be explained" in the third film.
Well, in REVOLUTIONS, it's robots fighting robots. Boring as hell. No explanations, Neo dies on the cross for the sins man. Trinity dies in a hovercraft accident. Armageddon, all the Smiths die and the Matrix Earth is restored to a beautiful day on the Brooklyn Promenade.
I like Kung Fu. If for one reason alone, this movie sucked, it was because of the almost nonexistent amount of Kung Fu in relation to the first Matrix Film. In fact, I would have sacrificed every CGI squibbie in this movie, just to get one good Kung Fu fight scene.
PLOT:Matrix Revolutions- SPOILER
Neo wakes up in a LIMBOland between the Matrix and the Real World (Machine World). Limbo is a stop on a subway line "MOBIL AVE." If you didn't get word "Mobil" in Mobil Ave. As being an anagram for Limbo, I will forgive you, but to me the religious subtest in this film (although blatant in the first two movies) was about as subtle as a sledgehammer to the temple, repeatedly.
In LIMBOSTOP (devoid of piss and bums), Neo meets this little Indian girl and her family. They are all programs, and the little Indian girl, "Sati" is a program of LOVE who is getting smuggled into the Matrix because of a deal her parent's made with 'THE TRAIN MAN" in exchange for the Oracle's source code (The Oracle didn't see that coming). Sati would otherwise be exiled and deleted from the Machine world, being that her programming serves no purpose but Love. Sati wakes Neo:
"Are you Neal?" she says
"Whoa, no, it's Neo, you are pronouncing it wrong sweetheart."
"Ok Neal, don't worry, I'm just a kid and not a very good actress, so I will keep calling you Neal for the rest of the picture."
"Whoa, Heinous Sati, my name is Neo, not Neal. Actually it's NEO122xx@aol.com, the actual screen name NEO@aol.com was taken long before I got AOL. Bogus, I know, I was actually using CompuServe back in the"
"Whatever Neal!"
Keanu Reeves I've realized, is not a talker, when Neo talks, he sounds like Ted from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. This is why I say, MORE KUNG FU!
Keanu Reeves really only plays one character. Whether it's Ted from Bill and Ted on a bus in SPEED, Ted from Bill and Ted fighting vampires in Bram Stoker's Dracula, or Ted from Bill and Ted chasing Patrick Swayze on a beach in Point Break. Keanu is Ted, Ted is Keanu.
Maybe I should just call him Ted from now on -- eh too confusing.
Well, "THE TRAIN MAN," arrives at the stop and Neo tries getting on. THE TRAIN MAN knock's Neo THE FUCK OUT with one punch.
THE TRAIN MAN: "I built this place, I'm God here!"
Ah, THE TRAIN MAN. A middle aged man with bad long ratty gray hair, he reminded me of that lame ass fisherman bad guy in LAST ACTION HERO. What's worse than this character himself, is his LAME ASS NAME!
First "The Key Maker" in Reloaded now "THE TRAIN MAN," In Revolutions. The Wachowski brothers are really dialing it in on these last two films as far as creative character names are concerned. They have gone from religious and mythical names of characters in the first film "Trinity, Morpheus, Neo, The Oracle" which were pretty cool, to just naming the characters by their profession.
The Key Maker-Makes keys.. Look, he makes keys-now he's dead
The Train Man-Run's Trains-Look he runs the train, now he's not in the story anymore, vanished into Limbo I guess, as did the original storyline the first movie was based around.
So then we get a foot chase scene with Trinity and Morpheus, chasing THE TRAIN MAN. A character who is totally useless to the plot. Although I'm sure has some biblical reference. I'm not too keen on the details of the bible, but everything in this damn movie correlates to the bible in some way.
Neo- Anagram for One, the one, Jesus
Trinity- "The holy trinity- Father/Son/ Holy Ghost- Virgin Mary
Morpheus- Greek God of Dreams, God of the Underworld
Is there a God of Limbo? I guess the boat driver on the river styx to Hades could be like The Train Man. Or what about the conductor on the Hogwarts express! Are the Wachowski's ripping off J.K.?
BACK TO THE STORY-
Morpheus, Trinity, and this diesel Asian dude, who the Wachowski Brothers inserted into the plot in RELOADED to round out the ethnic make up of these movies- and to show that asian dudes can still kick ass when they are on steroids. I was surprised there wasn't a bunch of kids in wheelchairs in Zion just to make it that much more politically correct (look close, I bet there are and I just missed em.)
Well, they chasers enter this fancy club / bar or whatever it is, via elevator, and then proceed to perform a shot for shot reenactment of the lobby / cop gun shoot out in the original Matrix, except this time the enemies can stick to the walls and ceiling, and it's a lot less captivating.
Anyway, they hunt down THE TRAIN MAN, who hangs out with THE FRENCH MAN. THE TRAIN MAN is obviously only hanging out with the dandy boy so he can oogle his girlfriend's giant bazoongas. In fact, her cleavage stole this entire scene. I don't really recall any of the dialog because I was mesmerized. Damn, what a rack!
Well, Trinity and Morpheus get Neo back into his body after a small gunpoint stand off with The Frenchman's goons. Strange, he wasn't jacked into the Matrix, but his mind was in the Matrix's Limbo...something isn't right here. Shortly after this, Morpheus falls farther into depression because he can't tag Will Smith's wife, and we see little of him after that. Either that or he got fired from the movie, cause he's like an extra in this film. Almost like a cameo role.
He should really be taking some of that ZOLOFT for that depression though. I saw a commercial for Zoloft. It apparently makes the little cartoon storm cloud move away from a little cartoon egg. I think it makes flowers grow, and birds chirp. ZOLOFT is like God.
Neo wants to make a pit stop at the Oracle to shoot the shit. When he gets there, the Oracle is now played by a different and much less charismatic actress.
Neo: "Oracle, you look different."
Oracle: "I already knew you'd say that, I got a perm, do you like it?"
Neo: " Yes, Whoa, is that a weave?"
Oracle: "You already know, don't you?"
Neo: "What exactly am I looking for?"
Oracle: "You already know exactly what you are looking for Neo, you've always known."
Neo: " A cookie?"
Oracle: " I baked up a fresh batch for you! See, damn, I'm good!"
So now we are back in ZION. Every scene that takes place in ZION is a High Tek Science Fiction Mechanical Engineer Fan's wet dreams, and goes totally against everything the original movie was about. I can't stand to watch these scenes. They almost put me to sleep. In fact, the longer the movie stays in ZION, the more I want the machines to win.
THE MACHINES ARE DIGGING TO ZION
It's only a matter of hours before they break through the rock 200ft ceiling leading to the ZION base many miles below the Earth's surface.
Random Worker 1:"Hey, when we built this base, shouldn't we have put some of those cool electromagnetic pulse bombs every couple hundred feet in the rock. You know, just in case the machines should ever try to, you know, dig. We have the damn things built on to each of our ships, I mean, isn't it just logical to put them in the rock somewhere."
Random Worker 2: "Eh, those things are too bulky, I'm on my lunch break."
Random Worker1: "You in the union?"
Random Worker 2: "What are you the Oracle now? Hell yeah I'm in the union, now stop bothering me I got cigarettes to smoke!"
We are then introduced to the giant robot/transformer-ish armor/ exoskeletons, (that were seen briefly in RELOADED) which the human Zion armies will get into, to fight the oncoming attack of machines.
Now let me break down this armor and how retarded and tactically unfit it is: The humans that built this armor, are mechanical genius'. Really, they constructed the crazy hovercrafts, this giant underground world, and sophisticated water/ventilation system, but can they create a weapon to fight machines? HELL NO!
Their battle armor when worn properly leaves their entire face, chest, crotch, arms, and legs, completely exposed! They don't even have a windshield. They aren't enclosed in anything. They don't even have helmets. A minor league pitcher with a good arm could take one of these guys out with a well placed fast ball.
You know how to disable someone in ZION armor? Let me give the machines a few ideas, so next time they don't waste too much time wiping them all out.
1) Throw a beehive near them!
2) Drop A few open sandbags at them from the ceiling.
3) Maybe some itching powder or fiberglass
4) Shoot them with a bullet! Is it just me, or do machines not have the capability to fire a weapon in these movies? They can blast with a laser when they need to pry through metal, why not just slice and dice all the humans up with the damn laser?
5) Paintballs in the face!
6) A very bright light in the eyes!
7) Pepper Spray!
9) A medium sized rock.
10) When you finish digging the hole, drop a fire bomb down the chute, or an A-Bomb. Whatever's clever.
As for all the other characters nobody could give a shit about in ZION:
Jada's character, I don't like at all. You can tell this was a character just plopped into the script to build a video game around in between Reloaded and Revolutions and to show us that Morpheus isn't gay. Which is what they did with her character. Beside the fact that she broke up with Morpheus for a scumbag, and we love Morpheus. Morpheus Rules! The rave in the cave kids knew that, and so do we!
Some skinny, goofy kid, who reminds me of Screech from Saved by the bell, who I was rooting for his early demise since he premiered from nowhere in RELOADED as one of Neo's fans, and one of the only white people in Zion. He turns out to save the day later.
Some crusty old guy who has big scars on his face, and doesn't like Screech.
Then there was this beautiful black woman, who was like....let me try to remember this distant relationship. Do you remember Tank, who died in part one, well, this is Tank's cousin's wife? Or was it Tank's Sister? We only briefly knew Tank, why the hell do I care who this woman is, or if she lives or dies? I don't even think she ever met Neo! She decides to make ammo shells, and with the help of her bull dyke friend, they manage to disable one of the machine's diggers with some bazooka shots.
"Why is Neo becoming a background character in this story?" I wonder to myself in between yawns as I watch this woman running around tunnels in Zion.
There is the Senate committee of old fogies. One white old woman on the committee has a wrinkle mustache. That's a mustache made of wrinkles, very odd, and they zoom in way too close on that.
Then there is Jada's boyfriend / husband / other, who is an asswipe, and we wonder why Morpheus and her ever broke up. And we realize it's because she's attracted to asswipes.
The other characters are so memorable I have forgotten them.
AND ON AND ON:
So this other dude wakes up from his coma. This was the dude who looked like he was going to stab Neo in Zion in RELOADED. Well, this dude talks to a group of people about his sanity and what not. The messed up thing is the guy totally has Smith's voice. He's got the cadences down pat. I'm looking at the screen and thinking, Is everybody in here who's ever encountered Smith Friggen Retarded!? Don't you recognize his voice by now?
But of course they don't. Because we are smart, and they are stupid.
So the machines are closing in fast and the humans only have two ships left. Neo tells them that he needs one of the ships, because he has to fly to Machineworld's Source, because the Oracle told him he knew he would have to..or something.
Jada gives Neo her ship. And pilots the other one. Trinity goes w/ Neo to find THE SOURCE.
Machines break through the ceilings of Zion with giant drills, thousands of squibbies (squid looking robots) swarm into the holes like bees. Many hundreds get shot out of the sky by the Zion human army in their very unprotected body armor / transformer / ROBOTEK suits.
Eventually all the Zion guys in the suits get wiped out. Old guy with scar dies while talking to Screech, who (off camera) must have ripped the old scar guy's corpse out of the battle armor-although they don't show it-and climbed into it himself.
Jada's hovercraft is being attacked by hundreds of squibbies too. She is coming back to base because if she uses the Electromagnetic Pulse in the hovercraft she can knock out all the machines in Zion, including the drilling machines, in one fell swoop. She uses her expert pilot skills (Well it did make the Kessel run in 12 parsecs) to shoot down the machine lines and destroy the death star (oh shit, wrong movie).
Screech, with the help of Tank's Cousin's wife's sister in law, blow a jammed crank system that opens the door and lets Jada's ship crash into Zion, from where she triggers the Electromagnetic Pulse, leaving everyone in the theater saying "why didn't they have any of those lying around Zion in the first place?
Meanwhile, the dude who sounds exactly like SMITH, (and even has the receding hairline like SMITH, and the eye movements, everything, "just put him in a suite and give him some sun glasses and he could be SMITH for Halloween"), had killed some British sounding white chick who was, I guess a doctor of some sort. Again, I don't care that she's dead, only knew her for about 45 seconds. Smith guy then had stowed away on Neo and Trinity's hovercraft without them knowing.
Have you ever jump-started a car for someone, and when it looks like it might be working, you just peel out and leave them there? No, you make sure they can drive, you let them drive away first, then you leave. Well, that's not what Jada did to Neo and Trinity. They jumped her ship for her, she boarded their ship and split before Neo and Trinity even got the freshly jumped ship off the ground-go figure.
SMITH guy-hidden within the ship, pulls some wires and the Hovercraft doesn't start. Trinity goes back to see what happened. SMITH guy beats the crap out of her. Neo comes in to see what's keeping her, and sees the SMITH guy holding Trinity and tells Neo to drop his gun. Smith guy then drops Trinity in a hole in the ship. Neo starts kicking his ass. Unlucky for Neo, Smith guy grabs a loose sparking electric cable (these things seem to pop up in movies all the damn time) and burns Neo's eyes out of his friggen head! Now Neo's trying to fight, but he's got this bloody strip across his face from ear to ear where his eyes should be.
Somehow, now instead of seeing everything in green, Neo sees everything in fire. (got me man?!) Neo can still see Smith Guy, but he's made of fire in Neo's new way of seeing, and Neo can now see that the Smith Guy on fire is wearing Smith Shades! Available online $16.95
Neo kills Smith guy very anticlimactically.
Trinity finds blind Neo, and they go back to piloting the ship towards the Source.
They get close and the machines fire many squibbies at them. Neo blows them to particles with his mind.
They then decide to fly over the machines, so up into the clouds we go. The clouds the humans created to scorch the sky so that machines couldn't use the power of the sun. They shoot through the lightning and up above the clouds it's a nice clear day with a blue sky. Trinity looks upon it, now seeing the true sky with her real eyes.
Trinity: "It's beautiful."
As though she was born in Zion, and has never seen the sun, even though she has lived in the Matrix and seen the sun every day of her life! So it's kinda lame, they should have had one of the Zion born people on the ship to comment on it, then it would have been touching, but her saying it made it lame.
By seeing this, we also realize that the Matrix doesn't need to exist if the machines would use something amazingly advanced, probably far too advanced for them to figure out how to build to caputure sun's rays for energy once more.
Something called "a very tall antenna." All this pointless human farming, when all they really needed were a few really big poles with some solar cells. Shish!
Well, their craft dies, Trinity tries to jump-start it, but it doesn't work. Luckily they are falling to Earth, and happen to be conveniently, directly over THE SOURCE. Not the hip-hop magazine, the ground zero Machineworld, which in Neo's "Fire Vision" is just glowing white and flame-ish radiant light. Like heaven!!! Oh, the symbolism.
Only he can see it, because he is the son of God. Meanwhile they crash land, and Trinity gets impaled on some rebar. What an anticlimactic way for her to go. She doesn't sacrifice herself for the betterment of mankind. In fact, she dies in a glorified vehicle accident. Whoa, that was worth it. Glad I paid my 10 bucks.
She grabs Neo's hand, he's blind remember. He comes closer, and she gets a kiss from him.
Trinity: "Neo, it's funny. We met in a bar, and I'm dying here, in rebar." (She points at the rebar rods sticking out of her chest.)
Neo: "I don't get it..." (Neo, blind, can't see the rebar, so the joke makes no sense to him, she then pulls his hand down and has him touch her chest then the rebar sticking out of it)
Neo: "That's not funny, Trin, My love (worst acting ever) I'd cry, if my tear ducts weren't seared off my face.
Trinity: "I understand. Our relationship has come as far as it's going to go. It's for the best. My journey with you is done. I wouldn't have stayed with you without your eyes anyway. I mean c'mon, you've seen me in plastic pants. I'm hot! You think I would -cough's blood- have sex with a fucking cripple?"
Neo: "I understand Trin, I was planning on dumping you for this British sounding doctor chick back in Zion anyway."
Trinity: "Didn't you hear? That guy that sounds like Smith killed her a few scenes ago!"
Neo: "Oh snap! Well, I'll be going then."
Trinity: "Later, asshole, and tell your dead British sounding bitch I said hello, that is if you see her. Oops, I mean if you stumble over her corpse, ya blind fuck!"
Neo:"Most Excellent...WILD STALLIONS RULE!"
Neo then climbs out of the ship onto this machine platform. Machine bugs and animals all start following him, much like all the woodland creatures swarming around Snow White in Disney's Snow White, but a lot more, techno-organic-like.
Then this giant porcupine head machine rises up from below, to Neo, in "Fire Vision" this creature looks like a blinding bright light.
"One cannot look upon the face of God". . .this is why he talks to THE SOURCE blind. . . Oh so biblical, you Wachowski brothers are kings of the religious throw back.
The great and powerful OZ HAS SPOKEN!!!!!!!
More special effects, the machine God/leader (think the brain insect in Starship Troopers) creates a human face for itself out of circulating mini squibbies. (think of the mummy's face in the sand in THE MUMMY).
Neo tells it that he wants Peace, and that he can kill SMITH.
Meanwhile in the Matrix, Smith AKA The Smith Virus, has absorbed all of Manhattan, including the Oracle (And we can assume the world), and turned them all into Smith Clones-as seen in RELOADED.
Now, THE SOURCE implants some program into Neo, and hooks him into the Matrix. Neo has a showdown with the one main SMITH in some pouring rain. Which was a lame as hell fight, reminiscent of three things:
1) Dragonball Z
2) Superman IV, where Superman takes on Nuclear Man-what a piece o' crap.
3) Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon-The concept of Kung Fu was there once, but it got lost because of all the flying around. Makes any good fight scene retarded.
Well, Smith absorbs Neo, which then releases the code THE SOURCE had implanted in Neo, thus spreading to the other Smiths and killing them (See movie INDEPENDENCE DAY) all in one giant death of all the evil on the planet (see the bible-Armageddon) And once the sinners are wiped clean, the Matrix reboots, the crater damage from the Smith / Neo fight vanish. Some cat runs past twice, a reference to the original Matrix film-indicating deja vous for anyone who is so retarded they can't understand what's going on. I mean, it had to be a cat. Ugh, don't talk down to me filmmakers!
Back in the Machine world Neo is dead, and has assumed the Jesus on the cross pose as the little machine creatures carry him away into the light. He died for our sins people.
Meanwhile, back in the Matrix:
Sati, replacement Oracle, and the Architect are chilling out in Brooklyn looking at the Manhattan Skyline. The sun is rising up really crazily overdramatic. Sati produced the surreal sunrise.
Oracle: "Did you do that Sati?"
Sati: "In tribute to Neal!"
Oracle: -bitchslaps Sati in the face- "It's Neo God damn it! Get it right or pay the price, ya little bitch! I got THE TRAIN MAN on speed dial!" She then whips out a cell phone to show Sati. Sati apologizes profusely.
Back in ZION.
The second wave of machines were about to lay waste to the last of the humans, but because Neo gave his life to destroy the Smith Virus, the machines decided they didn't need to fight Zion after all.
Sati, then walked down the Brooklyn Promenade talking to her little doll.
Sati: "I actually made the sunrise look like I had seen in this movie VANILLA SKY, which I enjoyed much more then this flaming turd my manager assured me would be a good career move, but what the hell do I know? I'm 4!"
THE END
-----
Ok, if the Wachowski Brothers didn't piss you off enough with the last installment of Neo and the Robots, here is just another reason why the word trilogy should only be used when a movie series is either written to be a trilogy in the first place, or when it's adapted from a series of books that was written as a trilogy.
I will try to relate the Matrix Trilogy to the world of street walkers.
Think of Hollywood / Warner Brothers as the Pimp. The original and the sequels are the Whore. Now dig it.
THE MATRIX-
What we see here, is a PIMP who put a whore on the street a few years back, in hopes that she would turn a few tricks and make him a few bucks. The great part about this was that the whore he put out, although she had no hype or promotion, turned out to be like nothing the world had ever seen. Word got round that she was crazy fine, had sex tricks nobody even knew existed, and everyone went nuts for her-she blew up.
Everyone started copying her moves, it was the hottest shit out there. What will she teach the world next...we all waited in wonderment.
THE MATRIX RELOADED
"Oh snap!" proclaimed the PIMP. He then put her into hiding for a few years, fattened her up and built up the suspense.
Then, he brought her out again. This time he pumped the streets with advertising. Under every windshield wiper and in every mailbox on the block were ads for the whore. "She's back, and full of new tricks. Come down and get your freak on!"
Now, the people who had seen her the first time were already hooked, they were first on line to sample the goods.
The lines went around the block! When he finally unveiled her, they were all kinda shocked. The tricks were not as great as before. She started talking and philosophizing about all this stupid crap while she tried to work her magic. She then took them back to her house, which is a shithole where they rave all the time. We see some robotic parts where there used to be nice flesh. This is not the same whore.
And the Jon's say to the PIMP:
" Hey man, you don't get it do you? We are here for the freaky sex man! We don't want to know the bitch's bullshit philosophy! We don't want to see where the bitch lives! We want her to show us some new tricks, don't have her giving us some half asded shit we see in the Mach 3 razor commercials. Those tricks are wack now dude!"
But so many people that saw her and loved her the first time came to see her this time, and although they left disappointed, they still had hope in their hearts that the next time they saw her, she would be better. At least back to the quality she was when they first met her.
They left her house confused and disappointed. And when they hung out with their buddies later that day, their buddies who had seen the whore before when she was new asked how she's looking. The guys who had just seen her then told their bud's how disappointing she was now, but the buddies refused to believe that she could have gone so downhill. She was so phenomenal in the start, there was just no way, so it didn't register. They had to see it with their own two eyes. So they too went to see her, and they too were disappointed.
By this time, The PIMP was rolling in the dough!
Although almost everyone who saw her the second time was extremely disappointed, some of them even saw her again twice, just to be sure that they were giving her a fair chance.
So now the PIMP sunk even more money into the advertising of her, and more money into making her look better. Produced a few video games about her, made some crazy websites & comic books. Made a cartoon about her with some of the best animators in the world.
THE MATRIX REVOLUTIONS
So she came out again, just six months after the last time. And this time, had gained tons of weight. Her teeth were all rotted, and she had robotic parts all over her body. She gave the Jon's the finger, and laughed. Then her and the PIMP walked off laughing, got into their limo and drove to their new summerhouse in the Hamptons.
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo