ODE TO JACK TRIPPER 9-12-03
I'd like to honor John Ritter with a little lighter poem I just wrote titled, Ode to Jack Tripper, hopefully this won't be as heavy as the 9-11 update.
-ODE TO JACK TRIPPER
Jack was a prat fall king,
he tripped on his own short-shorts,
he tripped over his couch,
he made Chevy Chase look like a hack with his tripping,
the apartment had a landing with only one stair in it,
he never figured out that it was there,
Jack tripped,
Jack fell down.
Jack showed America that even if you are a bumbling fool,
you can still get laid.
Even if you are pretending you are Gay,
you can still get laid.
Even if you are living with women and are unmarried,
you aren't necessarily having sex with them,
poor Jack,
and he still got laid.
Jack must have spent a lot of time alone with his hand in that living situation,
because the roommates,
at least the blond ones,
seemed to be really loose and flirty,
but they never gave up the pu na nie to ol' Jack.
No, Jack got laid by chicks from outside of the house.
Basically not dipping the pen in the communal house ink.
But we felt for him,
we wanted it to work out for him,
we were rooting for him to get some from the roommates.
Jack lived with a lesbian named Janet for many years,
who seems to be the Beyonce of the show because it went through like 4 blonds,
and only one Janet.
Jack had many blond roommates,
all of which he never slept with,
but made sure to make reference to wanting some in every episode.
Jack was a chef,
he cooked the roommates great meals for them,
but they never put out.
Sometimes it seemed as though they would,
but it was just something he overheard and turned out to be miscommunication.
Jack was the king of miscommunication.
Jack and the ladies in the house were constantly eavesdropping on one another,
only catching half of a conversation and misinterpreting what was going on.
Antics came about, as only the audience was in on it.
This happened weekly.
You wanted to say,
No you dumb blond!
Jack doesn't have cancer!
His sister's pet rabbit is dying!
Jack was a ladies man.
Jack went to the Regal Beagle for drinks,
and always scored time with the finest bitches in the joint.
Jack was getting laid left and right,
but we never saw this,
because it was in his room which was another set that didn't get filmed too often.
Jack made it cool to lie to and fuck over your landlord
if it meant cheaper rent,
and he did it constantly.
Jack taught us about friendship,
he had a best friend and neighbor named Larry,
they helped each other get laid.
Larry swung the same rent that the three roommates did by himself,
so I figure he's gotta be a pimp.
Jack was always lending Larry money,
even though Larry was a pimp.
Jack cooked,
and got laid.
Poor Jack,
Jack tripped,
Jack fell down.
-End
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo