MIAMI BUGALOO 8-1-03
BUGALOO drove us out to the part of town where a good bulk of the clubs are
situated, I have no idea what this place is called, but it's like blocks and
blocks of solid clubs. The scenes that were to come next were straight out
of Goodfellas. Buga with Myself, Tony Brown, Shice and Misery all in toe
walked time after time straight into exclusive V.I.P. clubs, skirting mile long
lines, walking in side doors, secret doors, employee doors, I have no
fucking idea.
Shice and Misery are stars mind you, having been on the Latin equivalent of
TRL that day, and this being one massive Latin party town, we were rolling
with the biggest act in town. One after another we went right into
clubs, and the doormen for the secret doors kissed Buga's ass. It was
insane.
When we got into the clubs we went right to the DJ booths where
Shice would be introduced to the DJ and his Vinyl would be handed over. One
after a-fucking-other. As we walked the hottest chicks I have ever seen
would be calling Buga's name, they would run up and hug and kiss him on the
cheek, I'm not talking like 5 or 6 chicks, I'm talking literally hundreds. Every
club.
Buga said he rarely goes to clubs anymore because he gets swamped
like that all the time and he can never just relax and enjoy himself.
Having been a promoter for so long, he's done it all, fucked em all, and
been there done that forward, backward, up, down, and sideways.
It reminded me of that Twilight Zone episode where the crook dies and goes
to heaven, where he gambles and always wins, fucks all the hottest chicks he
can imagine, has basically anything he could ever want, but within a month
it gets old, and he realizes he's not actually in heaven after all. I
always watched that episode thinking how bullshit it was, that all that
glitters could never get old, but apparently it can. But unlike Buga, the
Twilight Zone dude couldn't take a break from the partying so that it
becomes new again, but Buga can.
Anyway, wherever we went we drank for free, we hung out in the DJ booths
with Miami's hottest DJ's, were introduced to directors, artists, editors,
art directors. Walked directly into V.I.P. areas without the bouncers batting
an eye. It gave me a new perspective on what celebrity can do, and how
celebrities are treated. . . in Miami at least.
We ended up at a club called something like "LUSH" I can't remember exactly. It was late, and the clubs were packed to capacity. Now, normally,
five guys in a group with no girls trying to get into a club (with sneakers)
is impossible. I warn you, do not do this at home, it won't work unless you
have a Buga caliber guide with you.
Well at this last club they were not going to let Shice and Misery in with sneakers no matter who brought them. Buga called SURGE, a fellow artist who's cousin was part owner of the club to come out and see if he could pull strings. Surge was in the club, came
out and tried, but they still wouldn't let them in there with Sneakers.
Surge is a line art guy himself and is a big fan of my work and begged me to
stay.
I was tired of playing second banana to the MC's, and since they weren't
getting in they wanted to head home. I wasn't done partying, and needed
some time to chill with my boyz from Miami without dragging along the MC's,
so I decided to chill while they called it a night.
Surge brought me to this crazy exclusive V.I.P. section where there were pole
dancers right behind our heads. His cousin had a seat there with a table
littered with half full bottles of crystal, vodka and orange juice and the
like. Surge introduced me, and his cousin knew who I was and told me to
pour myself something. I sat down on the plush seats and looked out over
the crowd. The DJ was tearing up the joint and the girls were dancing and
gyrating like nothing I've ever seen in a club in NY. Mind you, it was like
a scene from a party at the Playboy Mansion. The girls are just that hot
down there.
Surge is a fucken Casanova. I have never seen a guy so suave with women
that they melt in his hand. It's sick. He brought me down to the dance
floor from the V.I.P. cause he wanted to scope out some women. Mind you I have
a have girlfriend, so I was just watching and soaking in the eye candy, but what
sweet, sweet eye candy it was.
Surge started housing this girl with a Miami
Dolphin's jersey on and a super-short mini skirt. The girl was a brunette,
and when I say she was a 10, that would be an insult. Not naming names,
let's just say she was a playboy centerfold and leave it at that. The
Dolphin's shirt was cut up and tied up in places to form a bikini, and her
giant fake tits were practically bursting out of it. This bitch was smoking
hot, and she knew it, and she could have any dick in this joint (except
mine, for reasons previously stated- IE Girlfriend)
Surge went over and sweet-talked her for a bit, touching her and whatnot as
he did. He then brought me over and introduced me. He grabbed her waist
and said something to the effect of "Cojo, would you look at this body? Is
this the hottest chick you have ever seen in your life? Damn, that is
exactly how every bitch in here wishes they could look."
She was melting in his hands. He then poured her a glass of Crystal and "Oh
so accidentally" dripped some in her cleavage. She gave him a coquettish look
and he dove face first into her breasts licking it up, at the same time
pulling her massive tits right out of her shirt. She loved it. I said to
myself "We are not in Kansas anymore Todo."
The next day I woke up late and the Elevation Suite crew and I wandered over
to the Cuban Diner for lunch. Since the show was over and they didn't have
anything else booked, it seemed pointless to be following the guys
everywhere so I went to the ocean and swam for the bulk of the day.
We went to dinner with one of Tony Brown's friends who is a middle aged dance
instructor. We had some of the most amazing conversations. She went to
dance school with Madonna back in the day when she lived in NY and they were
friends for a time and had a falling out. It was really fascinating to hear
this woman's history. Someone should do a book on her some day.
We chilled back that night just swimming and chilling on the beaches with
all the topless chicks. We were drunk the majority of the day and night so
it all became a big fun blur, but night swimming is a trip.
The next
morning we drove down to a building Tony Brown owns an apartment in and he
stopped in to visit his tenant. It was a really dope building, one that
Sinatra and Dean Martin had owned apartments in back in the day, and the
whole place looks as though it hasn't changed since. Same 50's swank look
and feel. We chilled out by the pool there for a bit, then got in the truck
and headed back to the Airport, First class to JFK.
When we home all of Shice and Misery's family was there to greet and
congratulate him, including his mom in happy tears. My girlfriend was about
15 minutes late. I waited for my bags and her to arrive, I felt really
exhausted. On my flight was that little gay elfish fashion guru Leon Hall in
a Day-Glo green outfit. How the fuck these conmen get jobs critiquing
fashion is fuckin'-beyond-me.
Lo and behold, JFK lost my luggage, and I didn't get it back for a week and
a half. First class pain in my ass.
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo