COJO IN MIAMI 7-30-03
Sitting in JFK I wolfed down the breakfast I had bought at Yaffa Cafe the
best I could with no condiments or eating utensils. I was still drunk from
my all night going away bar crawl and now I was about to travel with a few
rappers, Shice and Misery, and their Publicity guy from Elevation Suite
Music group, down to Miami to write about them doing their debut in-person
television performance for the Update, and to give myself a little vacation
from NY.
The video for Shice's single "Petrified" had been playing in steady rotation
on Mun2 (Telemundo's Spanish/ English music channel pronounced Moon Dose)
for a few months, so Shice had quickly cultivated a fan base in Miami. Mun2
invited him to come down and perform on their popular daily show "The Roof"
and the rest is history.
Raised in the Bronx, Shice is a Puerto Rican by blood, New Yourikan as they
say, so he apparently had a big following growing in P.R. Two shouts in
The Source Magazine"s Artists to watch and Fat Tape sections didn't hurt
either.
I had done the artwork for Shice's Single "Petrified" 's Vinyl so Elevation
Suite thought it would be cool to do an article about his first live TV
singing appearance. Go down with them, follow their every move, and make an
update out of it. I'm always down for a trip, and these are good people,
so I easily agreed.
Shice, Misery, their Publicity man Tony Brown and I loaded into the plane,
Elevation Suite hooked the crew and I up first class. When we landed in
Miami a big pimpin' black Escalade with dark ass tinted windows pulled up
and we shot down to our hotel on Miami Beach. We got out of the truck and
Tony and I grabbed our bags. As we crossed the road a teenager walked by
and stopped dead in his tracks looking at Shice. "You're the guy from TV!"
He said. "Yeah." Shice said as though it were nothing.
I¬¼ve hung with Shice a dozen times in Manhattan and he rarely was
recognized by fans on the street (Mind you, I never hung out with Shice on
the street in daylight) regardless, after seeing that I knew this would be
a fucken crazy trip.
I called my boy, and Miami native, BUGALOO to see when he'd be able to
chill. Buga would be tied up until the next night, but told us to drop his
name at a club called MINT that night. I thanked him and told him we'd
meet-up Manyana.
Buga, what can I say about Buga, other than, HE'S THE MAN.
There are people I am sure in every hip town or neighborhood, who are like,
the guy who can get things done, the guy who knows people, the guy who has
the hook-up. Bugaloo is that guy for Miami. He is THE MAN in Miami. Buga
used to be a model, now he's an artist and club promoter, and he knows
EVERYBODY and can get in ANYWHERE, and get ANYTHING for FREE in Miami. Buga is the man to know.
((- As a side note, since this update was written and since I've recounted
my Pimpin' events in Miami, my friends up north have turned Buga into an adjective.
And I've done it myself, as in: Cris AC is the Buga of Manhattan. Very
short word that lets you know everything in one word.))
While I was unpacking I had Mun2 on the set because not having the channel
at home, I had never seen Shice's Video aired on TV. I was happy to find
that within a half hour of watching it ran. I was unhappy to find that
somewhere in the packing for this trip I had forgotten to include shirts.
In fact I only had two shirts, one of which I was wearing, the other was
JEN'S (My Girlfriend at the time) I had packed by mistake.
There was still a day until the taping of the show, so Tony Brown asked if I
would help him canvas the beach with flyers. He handed me a stack of
printed copies of my album artwork alerting people to the air date and time
for the program. We walked the beach handing these flyers out to any
teenagers, or Hispanic kids (who would be more apt to watch the show
considering it's mostly in Spanish).
This might seem like hard work to do in the blazing sun, but it was actually
really fun considering a majority of the women on the beach were topless.
Let me talk about the women of Miami for just a second, because it's pretty
mind blowing. When you are in New York, you will walk down the street and
maybe see a hot chick every block. In Miami, you will walk down the street
and see a hot chick every 3 squares of sidewalk. I shit you not. It's
crazy! The chicks in Miami are unbelievably hot. They are all Cuban with
blond hair and giant fake tits! I looked it up online, Miami has the
cheapest priced boob jobs in the country! EVERYBODY in Miami has fake
boobs! It's fucking insane. Tiny wasted little girls with giant out of
proportion knockers! If New York construction workers moved to Miami, they
would never get anything done because they would never get a break from
catcalling the women, they are everywhere. You can look in any direction
and all you see is hot chicks. It may seem like I am exaggerating, but I
promise you I am not. It will blow your fucking mind!
After handing out flyers Shice wanted to shoot some ball. I love shooting
hoop so I was down. We got in the Escalade, grabbed some 40's and drove
down to a nearby court. Tony popped the trunk and clipped a giant SHICE
burner (Graffiti Tag on Canvas) to a nearby fence and turned the truck's
speakers to 11. Blasting "Petrified" over and over Tony and I handed out
free CD's from the back of the truck to the b-ballers. Shice and I then
joined in a pick-up game and showed them how we do in NY.
Part of my job was to take pictures and film the action. We walked the
streets and Shice shook a lot of hands and got a lot of looks of
recognition. We eventually ended up at this bar on the beach, which is
apparently famous called WET WILLIE'S for it's amazing selection of signature frozen drinks with crazy
names like "Call a Cab", "Shock Treatment",and "Cherry Bomb". I'd seen some show that featured this place. There is a wall with all the different machines, that look like giant rainbow colored washing machines churning frozen alcoholic delights.
We decided to get food there, and many, many frozen drinks. The place lived
up to it's reputation, and we all agreed that we would have to hit this
place a few more times in the days to come.
We stumbled back to the hotel, and decided to watch The Roof from Shice's
room because we wanted to hear them announce Shice's name when they announce
the guests appearing the next day on the show. We sat through the hour long
show till the very end when they said his name, being all drunk and happy to
begin with, we went crazy.
We caught a cab to MINT. It was a very ritzy club, and I realized that
(Other than Tony Brown who was wearing an Armani suit) we were all way-the-fuck underdressed. The main problem was that Shice and Misery both had
Sneakers on. They were brand new kicks, but even so, they weren't dress
shoes and this place was strict.
The bouncers were being hard asses. I dropped Buga's name, and their eyes
lit up, they went inside to consult their manager, but the final verdict was
no. Can't bend the rules for anybody. This is a place mind you, I saw them
take someone's credit card, and run it to see if the potential club goers had
enough money to drink there before they were allowed to enter. This is a no
bullshit establishment.
One of the funniest things happened then though, totally unexpected and from
out of the blue. As the bouncer went inside to ask the other manger if they
could bend the rules just this once for us, a sexy white model chick with a
hot foreign accent came up to the front of the line and started talking to
Tony Brown. Having only just arrived, and since he was dressed so dapperly
and at the front of the line and holding Shice's Press Kit (which could look
like a clipboard from afar she assumed that he was working the door.
Mind you I was drunk, so the names are all wrong, but let me try to recreate
the interaction she had with Tony, just assuming he was the door bouncer:
Girl: "Hello, Michael said it would be OK if I arrived with 5 guests. My
name is Svetlana. It should say Svetlana plus five."
Tony Brown: "Let me check that."
Tony then looked down at Shice's press kit, flipped the folder over, and
started skimming down the first page of it.
Tony Brown: " I'm not seeing that name here, I'm sorry, we are really crowded
tonight."
Girl: "Please, please, I have to be on that list, please check again.
Michael said this would not be problem. We are all waiting here."
Tony then checked the press kit again, and flipped the pages, still not
finding her name.
Tony Brown: "I'm sorry, I see your name, but no plus anything. You can go
in, but your friends are stuck out here, I'm terribly sorry, we are really
packed to capacity tonight."
Girl: "But they have to come, I have come with them. Michael promised."
Tony: "Hold on. Let me call inside, I'll see what I can do."
Girl: "Thank you sooo much!"
Tony then picked up his cell phone and pretended to call someone inside the
club.
Tony Brown: "We've got a Svetlana out here, she says Michael said it would
be OK for her to bring five guests but they aren't on the list. . ."
By this time Shice, Misery and I were laughing our balls off, I have no
fucking idea how Tony was keeping a straight face.
Tony Brown: "Yeah, that's what I told her. Oh, yeah OK."
He then turned back to the girl.
Tony Brown: "I'm sorry, please step off the line, you aren't getting in here
tonight."
After Svetlana left, almost in tears, and we were in tears laughing, we
hopped into a cab and shot back to the hotel. The guys went down to get a
drink, but having not an wink of sleep I went to my room and crashed.
Just another day in the life of an Art Juggernaut.
-Cojo